What factors should you consider before getting married?

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Ta-da! A new day and a new post from me. I am here to check on how you are doing. Recently, in Quora, someone asked me to answer this question. Legally bound to someone or not, you must know that for any relationship to work, efforts are a must.

You cannot stop loving someone, or worse, expressing your love to them after they become yours. Love is a conscious choice made by an individual every single day. Probably that is why people ask us to resolve fights before going to bed. With bitterness, you can’t choose to love the person sleeping next to you in the morning, can you?

Well, I would start off by saying marriage doesn’t guarantee permanency if you stop making efforts. Love requires effort at every point of the relationship. If you act like you own someone, then you’re going to lose them very soon. So, no matter if you get married to someone or not, you will have to make efforts to keep the love alive.

Apart from that, I think there are certain things that one must learn and remember when they decide to marry someone:

Space: Even if someone is legally bound to you, they need their space to breathe, suggest, make opinions, and decisions. It’s important to discuss every major decision before taking it. But, it’s also equally important to let the person who has to decide to evaluate and make decisions on their own. Marriage doesn’t mean controlling one another; it only means supporting each other through the best and worst times.

Individuality: Marriage requires two individuals to spend a long time in their lives together. In such cases, it’s quite natural for one of them to get subsumed in the relationship. In other words, one might lose their individuality while taking care of their partner and the family. In any situation, one must take extra care to retain the attributes of their own life; so, they won’t resent in the future.

Romance: As the films portray, life after marriage doesn’t revolve around candlelight dinner and night walks. Sometimes, life puts you and your partner through the storm. It’s up to you to make it through or break down. But no marriage survives without romance too. After a few years, you might get too comfortable with your partner and stop doing something special for them. It’s wise to add spice to the relationship, in turn flaming the intimacy.

Communication: Always ask, never assume. Always communicate, never shout. Always talk, never blame. Most importantly, always never speak anything that you don’t mean. You can’t take back the words, and you can never know the effects of it on your partner. Forgetting is more painful than forgiving. Resolve after you fight, don’t carry it forward for the next quarrel.

Consent: The last thing I would like to add to this article is: consent. 

  • Ask before you adopt a pet. 
  • Ask if your partner wants to get pregnant. 
  • Ask if they’re ready to start a family. 
  • Ask if they could take a career break. 
  • Ask if they are available to become a gypsy and travel around the world.
  • Ask before you decide. 

If they don’t make a choice, don’t convince. Give your spouse enough time to reconsider if your request is valid. Let them come around. Maybe the time is not right for them, so wait patiently.

Most of all, you respect a person for their values and ideologies before you start a relationship with them. Unfortunately for some people, the love might wear off or take a short break between them. It is essential to maintain your aesthetics and behaviour when such situations arise.

Instead of playing the blame game, take time, evaluate, and own your mistakes too. If you decide to take a break, try to retain your honesty and transparency until you both part ways.

The relationship will come and go, but cheating, demeaning, or abusing someone will show off your character in the first place. With or without that person in your life, try to hold your values, beliefs, and character strengths. Don’t let anyone or anything affect it.

What is the best relationship advice you received from someone? Did it work for you? Please share with us in the comments section below.

See you in the next post. Until then, bye and boop.

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