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Laugh, Walk, Talk Like a Lady: The Ruthless Sexism

Part 1: The 1950s Housewives

Feminism is the movement to bring an end to sexism and oppression. It is an effort to make women liberal and empowered. Feminists believe that feminism means having a choice. Do you also know that people who make unconventional choices feel ashamed and embarrassed to talk about it?

Choosing to be a Housewife:

The choice that was once super-conventional and traditional is now becoming unconventional and outdated real fast. When the “empowered” women look at a housewife, they see her as a poor soul trapped within the four walls.

It is not surprising to see this change- especially when we encourage women to come out of the kitchens. But, what does coming out of the kitchen necessarily mean? Does it mean that all women should go back to the workforce stressing themselves in a 9-to-5 job, even if they don’t like what they are doing?

I could confidently say that housewife is now something, not people admire or look up to; it is something that people feel pity about.

Housewife- A taboo?

Let me be honest here. I was ashamed (and still am) to publicly say ‘Housewife’. It was horrifying to let people look at you piteously. So, what does a housewife do, when you ask them the question “What do you do?” They answer like this:

“What do you do?”

“I am looking for a job.”

“I am on a career break” (Break, mind you… We are returning to work soon, even if it is something we dislike!)

“I am taking care of my child”

“I am a blogger, writer, YouTuber…”

Why? You will understand at the end of this post.

But, let’s take a minute to address how this question has transformed over the years. Now, people don’t ask ‘What do you do?’. They ask ‘Are you working?’ assuming that housewives are an endangered species now. We will deal with that later. Let’s start with the basics.

What’s wrong with being a Housewife?

Nothing, but it has flaws like…

Financial Independence: To start off, as a feminist, I always emphasize financial independence. It doesn’t matter how lovable your family is, or how gentleman (or woman) your spouse is, you can’t give up on your financial independence.

For that very reason, I find myself taking a stand against ‘Housewife’ many times. It is a seriously grave job with no payments and rewards.

Mundane Life: The non-criticality and repetitiveness of the chores make life boring to a point where you find disinterest in day-to-day life. We sometimes call it ‘a mechanical life’ and I don’t see why a human must choose it willingly.

Equality at home: The moment we assign a dedicated person to look after our home and family, we take them for granted. What else do they have to do other than cook meals and clean the dishes, right? Wrong. Shared responsibility becomes a moot point.

Societal Pressure: The more I say aloud that I am a housewife, the more society looks at me like I am an oppressed woman of the 1950s. Stop, please.

Valued Less: It is something universally every housewife would agree to at least once in their lives. Ask your mother if you don’t believe me. Unless it is a mothers day or a women’s day, you don’t get much from society or the family.

So, here is my rant. I knew for so many reasons, I think that being a housewife is flawed. But, what happens if one chooses it willingly for any number of reasons?

As I said, I will be brutally honest in the entirety of this article. I wasn’t interested in staying at home full time when I quit my job. However, it never meant that I loved my job either. Like most of us, I loved the money it brought. That’s all.

After quitting the job, I found the perk of being a housewife- a stress-free life. Truth be told, looking after a family involves a lot of stress. But the stress of doing a job that you don’t like was worse compared to the unpaid and mundane chores.

Nevertheless, I also found time to do truly what I loved to do- to write and publish. It kept my soul alive and excited.

The ruthless 9-to-5 job emptied my creative reservoir. How would imagination work if you have to be systematic and organized all the time?

When I stayed at home to take care of my child, I had more time to enjoy the rain. I had time to read more books and cook delicious food. I watched snails and butterflies, which you would miss since you can’t take a pause from 9 to 5.

I wrote pages and pages of words. I wrote stories and books. I played hide-go-seek with my daughter. Listening to her stories was absolutely boring and interesting at the same time.

I also found that I could be anything I want to be: even a best-selling author (if that’s what I want to become). There is no pressure.

But, it all came with a price:

To run a family on a single income.

Now, lots of families can’t afford it, so the couple has to work together. Or both of them are ambitious enough in their careers to lose their job.

What about people who don’t want to get stuck in conventional full-time careers? What about people who want to dream bigger and follow their passion? What about someone who wants to take it slow?

What about someone who wants to stop living a stressful life because they can afford to take a pause? What about someone who wants to take a sabbatical and pursue the work after 10 years or when their child is not dependent on them anymore?

That’s where the shame comes in…

Let’s go to the point where I said I will discuss later: “Are you working?”

Fortunately, my husband was not a big fan of gender roles. He takes shared responsibility seriously and understands its importance.

I love to be financially independent. But the societal pressure does not let me complete the sentence. I love to be financially independent- doing the job I love.

What do I mean by societal pressure?

Fifty years ago, a woman handling a career and family was unconventional and impractical. Now, a woman quitting a job to take care of her family is impractical. Choosing to stay at home is seen as a destructive move against feminism and women’s empowerment.

Whereas, doing a job that a woman doesn’t like to do (just because it pays) seems to be a wise choice.

If this is not enough pressure from society, I will share with you one more from my personal experience.

When I meet other women in my daughter’s school playground, most of them (all employed, of course) ask the same question to me: “Are you working?”

The question carries the inherent assumption that all “modern” women would only choose to work. My husband used to say, “We are all working in one way or another. Housewives are not getting paid, that’s all. But, it is a full-time job, too.”

The question has only one right answer: “Yes”. And if you say that, you will have a series of questions like this, which is enough to create a friend circle:

“Where are you working?”
“Which company?”
“Where is it?”
“How are you managing both?”
“I get you. It is very hard, isn’t it?”
“What do you do at the weekends?”

Saying the wrong answer “no”, fetches you pity and a single-worded answer “Oh!”. That’s all, trust me! Or sometimes, people get more sympathetic and ask, “Are you looking for a job?”

Why would you assume that the modern housewives aren’t half-interesting as the working women who can handle both? Why can’t a woman or a man who chose to be a homemaker, wants to pursue a creative lifestyle?

Is it impossible that they do not want a job that they do not love? And if they don’t, do you not have any other questions to ask them? Why?

My two cents:

From TV commercials to serials, the target for women has been shifted from being ‘housewives’ to ‘working women’. From romanticizing housewives, we have gone to stigmatizing them.

It is important to spread the importance of financial independence. But, we are not doing it. Instead, we are spreading the importance of a full-time career. Therefore, women who don’t have any interest in the job end up taking it.

Perhaps, if we stop shaming women for staying at home, then we could see more writers, artists, authors, musicians and bloggers. To write women’s history, more women must come forward. Don’t you think?

Instead of destroying gender roles, we are shaming people who figured out that the traditional setup works fine for them. It is important to find the purpose of your life and create something for yourself- be it a full-time career, business or a creative lifestyle. Do something that you could claim as yours apart from your family. I think feminism should focus on that now.

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