Kahlil Gibran’s Life Hack: The Nature of Great Marriages

The Prophet on Marriages

The Prophet speaks about the truths he knows before leaving the city of Orphalese. The seeress Almithra asks about love for which he says:

“For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, “God is in my heart,” but rather, “I am in the heart of God.”

‘Love’, The Prophet | Gibran, Kahlil

You can read his words on love here.

Then, she asks him to speak about marriages.

What does a successful marriage needs?

We fall in love, and we get married to the person we fell in love with. But do all marriages have “happily ever after” endings? Well, some break up faster ending in divorce. Most grit their teeth and live the marital life they are destined with. Very few learn the essential ingredient of great marriages. What Gibran has to say when it comes to marriages?

1. Together Forever

The person you fell in love with was born from the same flesh through the same doors. So, he or she will stay together until death does apart. Is it really possible these days, especially if the relationship is toxic and abusive? That’s why we must understand where our better half began their journey.

“You were born together, and together you shall be for evermore.”

‘Marriage’, The Prophet | Gibran, Kahlil

Just like us, they also went through the same roads (sometimes more difficult ones). We should have empathy, understanding and, more importantly, patience. When we do this, we develop utmost respect and love for this person in our life, and therefore, no toxicity or abuse.

2. Spaces

“But let there be spaces in your togetherness.”

Though you love your spouse the most, it is also essential to give them their own space. Taking all of their time and energy for yourself is selfish. Allow a gentle gap made of understanding and trust. Do not let anyone use it to triangulate you against your spouse. Let God reside in this gap and lead you both together in life. For trust is the basis of any relationship, keep faith when your spouse spends time with their friends or colleagues.

3. No Agreements

“Love one another, and make not a bond of love.”

Promises are sweet when kept, but when broken, they will lead to resentment. So love each other without any bonds or agreements. Give what the other person wants, and expect realistically. Remember to take time to replenish your soul before you give. Let there be lots of love between you and your spouse. A bond will make the relationship a duty to commit, whereas you will surrender when there is love and love only.

4. Free Flow

All is fair in love and war. But, not when you keep the love imprisoned. Expecting a return gift for your act of love is simply a business deal. Give it without any hesitations. Let it flow like a moving sea between your souls. Remember to keep it moving: you need the efforts of two people. When one stops putting in efforts, then the sea stops moving.

5. Nurturance

“Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.”

Avoid exploitation when you are giving and receiving this beautiful gift of love inside the marriage. Feed each other’s soul with compassion, love and sincerity. But, serve it balanced, do not rely on one person to give all the time. If their cup becomes empty, the marriage will surely break. Make sure to refill their cup before taking the contents from it. Or fill your cups and share them with the other person.

6. Custody

“Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.”

Marriage is not a legal agreement to grab someone’s heart into your safe-keeping. Give love, but not your heart. Your heart and soul belongs to you and God. It is no one’s job to protect your heart, but yours. Learn to keep it safe and heal when it goes through dark times.

7. Closer

Contrary to the beliefs, a man and a woman do not become one through marriages. How much you ever love your spouse, it is essential to understand that you are two different species of trees. Therefore, it is essential to stand apart from each other so your shadow won’t shunt your spouse’s growth. Do not try to subsume your spouse’s individuality in the name of marriage. They belong to the hands of God. You are just sharing the journey of your life with them.

“And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”

When life calls you, come closer. Sing and dance to the same song. Laugh and be happy. Do not fret about standing apart, for even if the strings of the guitar are alone, they dance to the same music. Hold God in your heart, and give love in abundance. Love never sticks to laws or agreements. So, let it free flow between the hearts that smile in unison.

You can read the Prophet by Kahlil Gibran on Kindle here.
It is free for Kindle Unlimited users.

Next Article: Kahlil Gibran’s view on Children

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