Feminism strives harder to break the shackles of patriarchy and gender stereotyping for years. It is time to focus on society’s view on Elegant females. Like men, women also have a certain set of rules and frames when they start growing up. Male and female have to follow certain qualities, characteristics and behaviour to fit into the sex they perceive themselves of.
Do you remember the famous “Saatvikam, Prachodakam, and Bhayanakam“ dialogue from the Super Star Rajinikanth’s starring movie Padaiyappa? Apparently, the girls get classified into three categories, as mentioned above. Obviously, Saatvikam is a “marriage material”, while the other two lusts the men’s eyes.
Who wrote this research material of classifying women based on their behaviour: I don’t know. I wouldn’t even waste my time searching about it on the internet. But, I will tell you what’s wrong with this approach.
This vile approach of linking a woman’s personality to her marriage/personal life is ridiculous. It is similar to agreeing that hundreds of people sharing the same “star” and “zodiac sign” are alike. Worse, it is more similar to rejecting a man or a woman on marriage terms because there is a “chevvai dhosham” on one of the boxes in her horoscope.
Every time a woman gets categorized, it only screams one single truth of this ‘patriarchal society’: that is, a woman is meant for a man’s consumption. The fact is very far away from the truth spoken loudly by the patriarch individuals. A woman, just like a man, is eligible and free to live her life on her terms. Sadly, we have to keep stressing on a plain naked truth time and again.
Impacts the raising of girl children…
This categorization also impacts the parenting style of the parents of their daughters. Most of the houses stress on having basic “feminine” behaviours, like, but not limited to: not sitting cross-legged, not staring at the mirror too long, not wearing makeup, not laughing aloud, not smiling without any reasons, not talking loud, and the list goes on. If you think that I am exaggerating, ask your female friends.
Parents incline their parenting style towards raising a “Saatvikam” girl: in other terms, a “marriage material”. Now, if a woman doesn’t learn a chore, how many parents tell them that it is essential for their living? How many parents say that it is a basic skill needed to be learnt by everyone? Instead, we get to listen to this: “If you get married without learning this, what will your in-laws think about our raising?” And bravo, you are raising a marriage material, unintentionally.
Except for this first category, the other two categories “Prachodhakam and Bhayanakam” do not deserve respect from men or society. I am not saying it, but the author of this research material says so. These women, just because they could speak louder and clearer, belong to rowdyism and terrorism. A woman with makeup, a short skirt, and a sleeveless top can never be sold on the marriage market.
In other words, the women who rebel against the “normal” society and the “pure femininity” are not ‘homely girls’. They don’t belong to the community of elegant females. Well, there must be research on what homely girls mean. None of my business, but if you want to know, please feel free to Google it.
Are you one of these Elegant Women?!
Alright, let’s come to the most disturbing aspect of these “elegant” females. A lot of young women believe that their elegance rest on their covered thighs and ground-facing eyes. They also think that men respect and appreciate these kinds of women in their lives. Well, some part of that is true, as that is how the majority of men are. As a result, these ‘hard trying’ elegant women slut-shames the different women of their own race.
The society has specific guidelines for an elegant female when it comes to love:
- Reject when proposed for the first time (but encourage the man for persuasion)
- Reject him again the second time (do not forget the encouragement)
- The third time is not a charm (do not fail to check if the man is on your doorstep still)
- Accept now, but also keep him on his knees for a little bit longer.
Somehow, a simple ‘Yes, I do when you like a man, seems to be a bigger turn-off for elegant females. They somehow link this childish behaviour to their worth and respect. “You wouldn’t be valued by the man if you say Yes for the very first time,” I have heard this statement for quite too long.
Pride and Prejudice on Elegant woman
Because of this, a man seems to get the wrong idea: persuade even if a girl says NO. I am not saying it. If you had read Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, Mr Collins rejected by Elizabeth on marriage proposal says:
“As I must therefore conclude that you are not serious in your rejection of me, I shall choose to attribute it to your wish of increasing my love by suspense, according to the usual practice of elegant females.”Mr Collins | Pride and Prejudice
“Increasing my love”- note that point. This “Saatvigam” or elegant behaviour is not a trap to a female alone. Males suffer horribly and passively too. By making a man crawl behind for a woman’s love, she makes him question his self-worth. His ego gets punctured after several failed attempts. He wonders why he doesn’t deserve this woman’s love. As a result, anger, revenge, acid attacks, harassments, rape, you name it, and he does it.
So, should a man not be rejected at all? A woman could and should if she genuinely cannot afford any interest. How could it be fair to hold a man’s love if she can’t reciprocate it? But, the fair problem here is the society raises a woman to be an elegant female. As a result, a man doesn’t understand a genuine rejection. His ego is hurt, nevertheless, by the sincere rejection. Because of all those elegant women, the girls who speak their heart out aren’t taken seriously enough.
Be like Elizabeth!
Well, what’s the solution? Be the “Elizabeth” of Pride and Prejudice. When Mr Collins rejects her rejection, she says:
“I do assure you, sir, that I have no pretensions whatever to that kind of elegance which consists in tormenting a respectable man. I would rather be paid the compliment of being believed sincere. I thank you again and again for the honour you have done me in your proposals, but to accept them is absolutely impossible. My feelings in every respect forbid it. Can I speak plainer? Do not consider me now as an elegant female, intending to plague you, but as a rational creature, speaking the truth from her heart.”Elizabeth | Pride and Prejudice
To men: “Break those patriarchal shackles, live free, and do not be Mr. Collins.”
Being assertive, standing up for herself, feeling attractive and beautiful, living on her own terms, having a life with inspirational dreams are not crimes. There is no such thing as a ‘homely’ girl. Stop fantasizing about women on your own terms. If we, as a society, keep doing that, we would be left behind with a vision, not a woman, not a rational individual.