babies_and_mommy

Dreams are a luxury to SAHMs

Ta-da! How are you all today? I know this quarantine might drive you all crazy, especially those mothers who stay at home all day. I knew it because it drives me insane a little every day.

Dreams are a luxury to people who have a full-time career, especially when the job is to take care of the house.

My mom aspired to be a singer, and honestly, she has a great voice. When she couldn’t achieve it, like most of the parents, she wished one of her daughters to become a musician. Neither me nor my sister pictured us as a singer.

We faced the stress when we found struck between searching for our individuality and becoming someone our mother wished us to be, as a teenager. We failed her eventually, but I never tried to understand the point behind my mom trying to accomplish her dreams through us.

Being a Stay-At-Home Mother (SAHM) now, I know the answer behind it. Dreams are a luxury for people who has a full-time job, especially when my mom was a default partner to take care of us and the house.

I have seen her frustrated, exhausted, and meltdown many days in a week. My house is not clean or well-organized like how she used to keep our home in the past. We had never seen trash lying around the floor when we came back from school.

After a long day in the kitchen, her chores never seemed to end, and she worked around the clock. By the end of the day, she was too tired to think about something that mattered to her.

While we try and live our lives, we disregard the help we get from people. If not for my SAHM, my dad couldn’t have made it to the office peacefully without thinking about the house. Neither my sister nor I could have educated without worrying about clean uniforms and good food.

We often underrate the role of women who stay at home and take care of the household. One day, they live an ordinary life just like you and me, dreaming, making friends, and enjoying life. Suddenly, after becoming a parent, they start prioritizing their kids, spouse, and family before anything that matters to them.

What we fail to appreciate is the choice that they made to prioritize us before themselves. It is not easy or fair to put others and their needs before us. They do it not because it is a choice that they must make, but out of love.

After crowning as a default parent/partner, they get too exhausted to dream. Before they ease themselves and let out a sigh, they reach a mid-life crisis and starts accepting their lives as it is. Dreams end there.

All I could ever see was my mother pushing me to become a singer when I was young and naive. I missed seeing that my mother stopped dreaming for us to feel the wind under our wings. She made our lives a thousand times better and easier.

I will never say that it is okay to ask our kids to dream of what we failed to achieve. But, understand how terrible and unjustifiable it is to get your dreams subsumed while raising a kid to become a better person.

To my mother and a lot of other parents who had to stop dreaming because of your selfless love and prioritization, we can’t thank you enough. If we are here, it is because of you, and we won’t forget it ever.

To new parents like me, try to find a balance and don’t let your kid become the cause of your failed dreams. Age, marital status, or becoming a parent should not stop you from becoming someone who you want to be. It IS exhausting and stressful, but balance the relationship out, so you don’t become a default parent.

It is essential for us to live and not dedicate your life to your spouse or kids. They are your fellow travelers on your journey, just like how you are on theirs.

I know it is tiresome to spend all day taking care of the house, and then following dreams might sound frightening and difficult. But, the fear of not giving a try might haunt you forever. Seek help if you need it, and fly towards your goal at jet-speed. Set an inspiration for your child.

Have a lovely day; see you in the next post. Until then, bye-bye and boop.

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