Ta-da! Here, I am with another tip about postpartum recovery. Though, this one is for the friends of the new-mom. It takes a village to raise a child, after all, doesn’t it?
The journey of motherhood is overwhelming. It is quite natural to feel down and tired most of the time during pregnancy and after childbirth. I felt left out after getting pregnant. The closest of my friends stopped texting or calling me to ask how I was doing. With so many things happening, I hardly noticed the change and didn’t bother to call them back.
After the delivery, I was quite busy with my new-born. Feeding my kid, changing her nappies, and rocking her to sleep was the schedule for pretty much the whole day. After six months, when the newer things started to wear down, I felt alone.
Slowly, the desperation to have an adult contact occupied my mind. I was worried about my kid’s health. I laid awake, looking at my kid if she is breathing or not the whole night. The moment she wakes up, I wanted her to go back to sleep again. I needed a moment for myself, without anyone dependent on me.
I could have called my friends for help. But I wasn’t sure if they would be able to understand. I was crazy almost all the time. I didn’t want them to judge me. After four years, things settled since my daughter started going to school. Now, I understand that all I needed was some help.
So, if you have new-mom friends in your group, this post is for you. It is nice when someone comes to check up on you often, not just your baby.
Text more often
Send a ‘how are you feeling today?’ text often than they expect. New-moms would indeed be quite busy. But they will surely need adult contact, as their world starts revolving around their baby so much.
Empathize, not sympathize
When you ask them about their day and hear their rants, do not sympathize. Tell her that ‘it sounds hard/frustrating’ or ‘it seems like you have your hands full.’ Learn to listen to the complaints and stories.
Drop by with foods/snacks
A new mom can always do with some food/snacks. When you visit them, do not go empty-handed. If you know your friend too well, get her favourite snacks while visiting her house. Ask her if she had prepared frozen foods for weeks; if not, help her with it.
If you cannot visit, deliver
If you are far away from your friend, then order and deliver some food to her address. Send her flowers or little gifts that will surely lighten up her mood for a week. Coffee comes in handy for all new-moms who have no idea why their babies are crying all the time.
Take pictures and send her
Capture candid pictures of her with her baby, and send her whenever you sense her feeling down. It’s one way to say that she has got this, and she is doing an excellent job.
Do not expect her to call/text you back
With the busy schedule, she might be feeling tired most of the time. When you do her something nice, like calling to check on her, do not expect her to do the same for you. Do not get offended when she doesn’t try to connect with you. Let her know that it is okay if she couldn’t initiate the conversation.
Do not stop visiting after the new-born phase
Visit your friend even after the newborn phase. It is not easy to figure out how to parent a baby. So, visit her and offer help as much as you can. A mother with an infant could always use some assistance.
Say some nice words now and then
A mother might feel bad about her parenting skills more often. She could be harsh on herself when the baby catches a cold or scratches the knee. She might need some appreciation and encouragement. Tell your friend that she is doing an amazing job, and the kid is truly blessed to have her as a mom.
Call before every visit
Call to know if she is free and comfortable with your visit. As much as a new-mom need someone to hear their stories about how her kid tried to crawl for the first time, she would also need me-space. Always text before calling, and call before visiting. By calling her when you are shopping at Tesco, you could get her shopping list.
Help, help and help
The house is always messier with a kid, their toys lying around, dishes in the sink, and laundry piled up. When you see an untidy house and kitchen, start doing the dishes or picking up the toys without asking your friend. You can also babysit for an hour or two and ask her to take a relaxing shower or the much-needed undisturbed nap.
People say that it takes a village to raise a kid. With the nuclear family trend going on, it must be difficult for a mother to take care of the baby all alone. A mother might not be able to seek help while going through an intense journey. So, it becomes our duty as friends to take care of them while they’re taking care of their baby.
Even if she doesn’t say it aloud and more often, she needs you. She will appreciate every little help that comes her way.
If you are a new-mom, tag your friends in the comment box, and let them know how much you appreciate their help. Please share your experiences with us when you received support from your friends after childbirth.
Until next time, boop and bye. Good day!